$0.02: Mistakes of the past

I'm a pretty nonchalant person.

I say things I want to say

I do the things I want to do

And if someone says something to me that I dont like

then I just let it go quickly

and brush it from my mind.

*

But I'm also a insecure person. And sometimes a perfectionist.

I overthink. All the time.

Sometime I wish I had an off button in my brain.

Which is why whenever I make a mistake,

it plays over and over in my head.

Even worse, I think they even become embedded in my bones.

I can't let them go.

They haunt me.

And they taunt me.

I cringe at some of my past mistakes. I wish they never happened.

But I've become wiser, I've become stronger & I've become more mature.

So I'm thankful. And glad.

Because it showed me who I was and exposed others for who they weren't.

But sometimes the price I paid to learn these things.

Makes me question if they were all worth it?

Does what I've gained make up for what I've lost?

I've started to shut myself from the rest of the world because I'm afraid to repeat the past.

I want to grow from my mistakes, not change because of it.

*

*I'm a carefree person. I'm cool with things.

I'm a critical person. I analyse everything.

This makes me one fking hypocritical person.